Thursday, September 27, 2012

A Gyno Tale

A few nights ago, Wiener and I went out with two other couples. One couple we both knew and the other I had only met the wife once. She seemed pretty cool the time I met her, so I thought this would be a good group to hang with. 

The friend who set this up knew the second couple really well and she told us the husband was a gynecologist. She asked us not to mention we knew like perhaps it was supposed to be on the down-low or a secret. It could also be because she knew I'd start asking him vagina related questions and she just wanted to have a nice night out without things getting out of hand for a change. Fine, I'll zip it.

But with this knowledge it got me wondering about how this guy socialized beyond other gynos. Like when meeting new people does he say, "I'm a gyno. I play with vaginas all day." Or is it vaginae? I mean it must really be difficult for him to meet new people or hang out with those not in his line of work because you know it is inevitable someone will either be snickering at you quietly or making crude comments.

I can just hear it now, especially living in Texas (warning: stereotyping) surrounded by manly men and rednecks. Redneck- "So doc, what do you do?" Doc- "I'm a gynecologist." Redneck "Oh really, that's cool. So, I guess you're elbow deep in beaver all day. Tell me, do you ever roofie them and have a little fun?" Doc- "No, I am a professional physician, plus usually there is a nurse in the room with me." Redneck- "Aw man, maybe you should roofie them both next time and gimme a holler!" 

Also, speaking of gynecologists, a friend once made the offhanded comment that she doesn't need to do kegels because her gyno checks her and says shes fine. Come again?

A few of us were out having drinks one night and we were talking about inappropriate stuff, as per usual, like Brazilians and manscaping. The topic somehow lead to kegels. Lola and I said we were too lazy to do them. Another friend says she does them and her gynecologist checks her. Lola and I gave each other a sly wtf look and said "huh?"

She explained that her gyno 'slips a finger in there' and tells her to squeeze so her muscle control and tightness can be checked. Um, hello? Isn't that the opening sequence to a porno called 'Debbie Does the Doctor?'

Lola and I were in utter disbelief and laughed. She was like "What? Don't all gynos do that?" And (to semi-quote a fave Friend's line) I said, "Yes, yes they do. In women's prison!"

We laughed, but it was an awkward moment. A quick poll later among a few other female friends revealed that no one else we know has a gynecologist that performs this test. Interesting.

So either her gynecologist is practicing some new cutting edge medical technique or he is a super perv. Maybe I should call my new gynecologist friend and ask him. Or better yet, I'll wait until our next outing and ask in front of everyone, "Hey doc, do you do kegel checks on women whilst you have your hand up their vajay-jays?" Good times. 

The Super Kegel Exerciser. Aw yeah.
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