Friday, August 10, 2012

Shit People Say

Things said out loud to me while sober: 
(Well, at least I was sober. Not sure about them)

Aesthetician while giving me an eyebrow wax before my 20th high school reunion: You know, you should get a Brazilian before your reunion. I could do it now.
Me: What the hell do you think I'll be doing at my reunion that requires a Brazilian?!

Clerk at target: I like your nipple. 
Me: *???* (She may have said I like your necklace, but she had an accent and I still can't figure out how nipple could sound like necklace. Also, my nipples weren't showing. That time.)

Nurse after childbirth while looking at my hoo ha as the doctor stitched me up: *making a frowny face* You're really swollen.
Me: *Ya think?* #awkward

Car salesman: Where did you go to high school?
Me: The 'local now known as wealthy part of town high school.'  
Car salesman: That explains the bleach blonde hair.
Me: Um, okay?? *WTF?? Guess who's not buying a car from you?*

Young European guys at a resort in the Bahamas: Do you want to go to the disco?

This was directed at Raquel and I while vacationing there years ago. I'm pretty sure the A Night at the Roxbury characters were based on them. 

We did not go to the disco. But we did go on the booze cruise. 

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