Monday, July 16, 2012

Top 10 Reasons Wiener Might Be Gay

Firstly, I have no issue with being gay. I think people are people just trying to live life and they can love who they want to love and should all be treated with equality and respect.

I don't know why it has become commonplace to joke about a heterosexual person being gay and it is supposed to be funny. But sometimes it just is. Maybe it began as an outlet to insult homophobes and show them how stupid they are.

Sometimes I wonder if the gay and lesbian community disses each other by saying "Oh my God, Chuck did the straightest thing the other day- he left the toilet seat up AND hair in the sink! Or Pat is so straight, she wore heels and a bra to the office party!"

In any case, I write this piece with no insult intended to the gay and lesbian community. It is not an insult to be gay and, yes, I am seriously stereotyping here but it is all in good fun.

For years I have teased my husband that he might be gay. He is prone to some sensitive and artsy tendencies. He also has opinions on my wardrobe regarding what I should wear or not and what would work better. I guess this could make him more of a woman than gay, but I'm sticking with gay. Also, sometimes I secretly wish he was gay because "not tonight I have a headache" gets really old and it would be so much easier if he had a boyfriend with equal testosterone levels and would leave me the hell alone.

Here are some little gems Wiener has come up with through the years that seriously have me questioning his sexuality and/or gender:

1. While watching The Green Lantern he asked who the main female character was. I said it was Blake Lively. He asked what else she's been in and I mentioned she was in Gossip Girl and the traveling pants movie. He said "Like I've heard of the traveling pants movie." Then he said very excitedly "Oh, you mean The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants!?  Yes, there's a part one AND two. Now I remember her."

2. While playing pool with married friends Raquel and Jake we decided to split up and Wiener said "Let's play couples, Jake you're with me!"

3. Recently he said  "I love the preview for Magic Mike when Matthew McConaughey is going over the rules in the strip club and says Now ladies, you can't touch, but it looks like there's some lawbreakers in here tonight!"

4. Driving through Colorado this summer he says out of the blue "I could eat trout for a week."

5. Also during the Colorado trip he randomly said, "I feel like Julia Roberts. I have something in my teeth that I can't get out." I guess it was in a movie of hers. I have no recollection of this. Sounds like he was covering up feeling like Julia Roberts and blurting that out.

6. His favorite movie is Some Kind of Wonderful or Pretty Woman depending on his mood any given day.

7. He once said he needed a pager so his pimps could reach him.

8. He loves Glee.

9. His favorite actress is Mary Stuart Masterson or Kathy Bates. (see mood) Also, if not gay, wouldn't it be like Megan Fox or Olivia Wilde or some smoking hot chick?

10. I have no more direct quotes, but I only know he has a very particular opinion about my clothes and shoes. It often starts with "You're wearing that?" Or "You're not wearing those shoes are you?" Who looks at shoes besides gay men and straight women?

So there you have it. Wiener might be gay or a female- you be the judge. I'll will keep you posted on any future gender bending tidbits.

1 comment:

  1. Ok, the trout comment might be one of the funniest things I've read in a while. Love it!

    Tracy @