Sunday, July 29, 2012


So I was at Chuck E Cheese today.

It was a self preservation tactic. Well mostly just a tactic so no one in my house got themselves murdered.

It was relatively empty and I thanked Jesus Christ Superstar for this gift. After all, I didn't want anybody else's kids to get themselves murdered either.

All was quiet and going smoothly until I got in line to order some snacks.

There was a father with two small kids between the ages of 5-7 ahead of me. I'm a bad judge of age in children, mostly because I hate them all, but I would say 5 to 7 is a good guess. One boy and a girl.

And they were beating the shit out of each other. Not a gentle push here or tap on the arm there, but full-on balls to the wall punching and shoving into the counter. Hard.

The father was on the phone. He was having an in depth conversation about a person who had "serious psychological problems and mental issues in general...she's just awful and doesn't know the trouble she causes with her behavior."

Not once did he say anything to these kids engaged in a full scale WWE smack down battle.


The kids were bumping into people and knocking things off the counter all the while putting the hurt on each other.

When it was his turn to order he made the cashier wait as he continued his phone conversation about this other person who was irritating him and how no one else saw her issues because "everyone is stupid."

Yes. Yes they are.

Through my teeth I hissed "keep your hands to yourself" in the general direction of the boy who either didn't hear or ignored me because he's allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants.

They ordered and left and so did we. But we met again at the soda counter.

The father filled cups with drinks while the phone was still stuck to his ear. Satan's minions were still at it and during another round of battle they knocked into my tween causing her soda to spill all over her. Unscathed, she said "those kids are so annoying and they made me spill my drink" as she pointedly rolled her eyes.

Despite this, we still had as much fun as one can have trapped in a germ riddled tomb nestled in the bowels of hell.

Occasionally, I did notice the father chasing the demons around as they continued hitting one another and terrorized other small children who made the mistake of playing the games they wanted to play. And no they will not wait their turn, fuck you very much.

Normally I don't say things to other parents about their kids unless someone's life is on the line. But I think this dad seriously needed to be told-

"HEY! You're doing the world a disservice by raising serial killers. Please teach them not to hit and keep their hands to themselves or at least act civil when in public."

Personally, I would lose my shit if someone gave me unsolicited parenting advice, but I can't help but think this poor sap might need some direction or insight. But I want to know what you think...

My question to you, readers (all four of you) is this:

Is it appropriate to say things to parents when their kids are behaving in a disruptive and potentially harmful manner?

Is it ok to address the little bastards directly?

Is it frowned upon to strangle other people's kids?

Ok- I know the answer to the last one but I just want to put it out there in case I missed a memo or something.

So let me hear what you think...

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