Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Mad Housewife

Yes, I'm a mad housewife. But mostly mad as in crazy. And often as in the wine...

Sometimes I get the feeling Wiener thinks I don't do enough each day. I just know he envisions me laying around eating bon bons and drinking pink champagne all day.

I wish.
Yes, please.

And so goes the age old battle of husband and wife. She does nothing all day and he never helps around the house or with the kids, blah, blah, blah. I'm not quite a stay at home mom- I'm an at home mom most of the time and also a part time employee of the business we operate. Although I don't get a paycheck. It's all sweat equity, baby.

I decided to pick a random day to keep a log of my schedule so he, and you, can see how much I do do throughout the day. (I said do do. hehehe)

7:35 am- Wake up and have coffee.

7:50 am- Drop a number two and text image to Lola. (Relax, just a pic of feet and not the deuce. Sicko)

8:00 am- Throw on yoga pants and t-shirt, make Devil Baby lunch and dress her for school. Do not shower. Do not yoga.

8:20 am- Leave to take DB to school.

8:45 am- Arrive home and have second cup of coffee and check blog stats. No one is still reading. I like consistency.

9:00 am- Drop another numero dos. Text pic to Lola. 

9:15 am- Try to choose between cleaning and work. Decide to catch up on reading from my blog roll.

9:45 am- Get inspired by someone's blog and type some notes on iPhone notepad.

10:00 am- Group text Raquel and Lola and tell them I'm bored, hungry, hot, cold, blah, annoyed or make fun of someone's Facebook status.

10:15 am- Run dryer to 'fluff' the clothes and restart washer to rinse towels sitting there for three days.

10:30 am- Eat some oatmeal or an egg and toast.

10:45 am- Possibly poop again. Eggs can do that to me.

11:00 am- Get serious about work. Check e-mail. Get distracted by sale coupon, do some online shopping.

11:30 am- Do some invoicing or pay bills. Unless I'm busy taking a nap.

12:30 pm- I'm hungry again. Make some lunch.

1:15 pm- Sit in office and try to work. Wiener asks me how to spell maintenance, convenient and representative. He then makes me proof read five e-mails.

1:45 pm- Say I have to get some water to escape Wiener's incessant rambling and busy work.

2:00 pm- Take laundry out of dryer and stack on bed next to previous load from last week. Move towels from washer to dryer. They've been re-washed five times now. They smell super clean.

2:15 pm- Go back to office and check e-mail. Send out a few marketing brochures. Laugh because I accidentally typed my name as another word for poop in an e-mail. Stop what I'm doing and text this hilarious typo to Raquel and Lola.

2:30 pm- Shit! It's almost time to get Fifi from school. Wow this day has flown by. I'm exhausted.

2:50 pm- Sit in carpool and be on the lookout for rude bitches cutting in line.

3:10 pm- I have Fifi and we stop at Kroger to pick up a rotisserie chicken for dinner. Tastes like homemade.

3:30 pm- Pick up Devil Baby at school.

4:00 pm- Arrive home and get kids settled. Say I have 'work to do' but disappear into office and read e-mails and check out new blogs.

4:30 pm- Pour a glass of wine.

5:00 pm- Heat up some canned veggies and instant mashed potatoes as sides to chicken for dinner. I add fresh milk and butter to the potatoes for that extra made from scratch flavor.

6:00 pm.- Throw dirty dishes in sink for another time. Ask Fifi to empty dishwasher. She says no.

7:00 pm- Deal with homework, send Fifi to the shower and give Devil Baby a bath.

7:30 pm- Plop down on sofa and alternately watch tv and check Facebook on the iPad.

8:00 pm- Break up argument between the kids. Tell them to shut their faces and/or baby holes.

9:00 pm- Tell Fifi to get in bed and give Devil Baby my iPhone so she can watch doody doo on YouTube.

10:00 pm- Throw Devil Baby in bed because she fell asleep on the floor. Wipe the drool off iPhone.

10:30 pm- Think about exercising in the morning. Eat cookies instead.

11:00 pm- I've had a long exhausting day and got a lot accomplished. I hop in bed and read some blogs, text Raquel and Lola, read a book or surf the Internet looking for new illnesses to self diagnose myself with.

12:00 am- Drift off too sleep and am thankful Devil Baby does not have school tomorrow so I can sleep in until 9 zzzz!

Wiener wants less of this...
And more of this. Not likely.

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