This happens a lot. I could be minding my own business doing absolutely nothing important for hours on end with no one wanting anything to do with me. But the second I actually sit down to do something or begin a task or project, a band of minions descends upon me needing something they could damn well do for themselves or my normally aloof and quiet husband turns into a freaking chatty cathy. Seriously?
Now I am trying to write and appear to be paying attention and being sensitive to his latest mind numbingly boring crisis du jour whilst being productive and insightful. It is probably not working since I keep getting distracted from the task at hand to help him spell random words- "Is 'rain check' one word or two or hyphenated?" Does it really fucking matter? I had many ideas of what I wanted to write about today, but it is just not going in that direction...
A friend or two suggested I start a blog based on a few random jokes and anecdotes they found amusing. A blog? How stupid, I thought. Who would want to listen to me? I hate everyone and everything. Well not really- just most everyone and most things- but the thought of letting people read my innermost thoughts and let them into my head was frightening. Then I realized it might be cheaper than therapy or a defense attorney after I 'accidentally' murder someone who annoys me. But since I don't believe in therapy or lawyers I decided I could just make up a bunch of shit along with the true stories and no one would know which was which and my headspace would be an enigma.
At any rate, my goal here is to entertain people in some shape or form. I may rant about idiotic situations or people I encounter on a daily basis, I may share stories about my evil minion children also known as demon spawn, I may vent about my husband or the world in general. I like to use profanities, not because I don't have any couth or a better vocabulary, but because it is fun and I like it. So that in a nutshell is what this blog is about: musings of a jaded human-mother-wife peppered with the occasional f-bomb and the like.
As far as the title of the blog goes, I should give credit where credit is due. My husband- aka, my favorite source for delightfully stupid entertainment- said it to my friends and I one day. We were discussing whether he should fly or drive to business meeting a few hours away and weighing the pros and cons of each. Without even listening to what we were saying, he interrupted with "first of all, everyone is stupid" then proceeded to tell us why we were idiots. This coming from the man who once said he needed to get a pager so "his pimps could get in touch with him." Yes, he said HIS pimps. Anyway, 'first of all everyone is stupid,' is my all-time favorite quote from him and I have incorporated that phrase into my everyday life as my new golden rule, so I thought it was quite the appropriate title for my blog.