Father's Day Conversation with Wiener

After a lovely home-cooked Father's Day breakfast of bacon, pancakes and eggs and the opening of cards and hand made gifts from the kids and I, we left for dip at the local community pool. 

Me: So how do you like my new bathing suit top? Does it look ok?

Wiener: Yes, it looks great. You're a beautiful woman.

Me: Aw, thank you. How sweet. And Happy Father's Day to you. You're welcome for the two beautiful children I gave you so you could enjoy this Father's Day.

Wiener: You mean the children I gave you?

Me: Um, no, the children I gave you. 

Wiener: No, you just pushed them out while you were on lots of awesome drugs. I gave them to you.

Me: What? No, I did all the work. You just laid there the whole time we had sex and then I carried them the entire nine months and gave birth to them.

Wiener: Whatever, I'm not even sure if DB is mine. She looks nothing like me.

Round and around and around and around we go...

Happy Father's Day Wiener. You really are a great dad. Even if your idea of helping clean up after dinner is moving the dirty dishes from the right side of the sink to the left and consolidating them. 

Wiener and all his FD goodies. Don't be jelly ladies.
Plus an awesome DB photo bomb. 
 

Conversation With Wiener

Wiener storms in the bathroom where I'm peeing, of course, and says:

"You have to start watching your mouth around Devil Baby!!!"

Me: I didn't say anything to her. I'm in the bathroom.

W: Well, I just walked by her and she's playing that cat game on the iPad and she's keeps saying "you fucking cat!"

Me: I didn't say anything like that to her. In fact, I haven't said 'fucking cat' all day.

W: We have to tell her she can't say those things and make her stop.

Me: I agree. I'll have a talk with her and see if she understands that she can't say that.

W: Yes, please do. It's really bad.

Me: Okay.

W: But first I'm going to force her to say it a few more times so I can record her and watch it later when I want to have a laugh.

Me: Jesus