Random Wiener

So this isn't a real post. I have many things I am working on but haven't found the time to fine tune them. And who can blame me with my wine drinking and avoiding laundry schedule? It's madness.

But I wanted to post something just for the hell of it so it doesn't look like I've abandoned the blog entirely. I promise to be back with some lengthier posts soon. 

That said, I am always entertained by Wiener (not that he's trying, I just contort everything he says and does into something amusing with my sick, twisted sense of humor) so I thought I would pick on him a bit more. If he doesn't like it, he needs to stop saying such overtly gay and entertaining things.

During the Superbowl there was an ad featuring super hot shirtless guys with ripped abs. Wiener said, "Dayum! - Calvin Klein ALWAYS gets the sexy guys." okayyyy???

Wiener's random thought: "I'd love to be a jewelry designer." Maybe not gay, but certainly not macho.

One chilly February day Wiener announced: "It's freezing in here. My balls just went up my ass." Wow.

And finally, here are some interesting texts from Wiener regarding our back to back ER visits in January. Me for my back and him for the flu. He just might be starting to catch on to this whole sense of humor thing. And of course I will be taking full credit.

Well played, Wiener. The student may
soon become the master. 

Way to rub it in. Let's see how fast
I share my pain meds next time your
kidney stones flare up.

Shit People Say

Things said out loud to me while sober: 
(Well, at least I was sober. Not sure about them)


Aesthetician while giving me an eyebrow wax before my 20th high school reunion: You know, you should get a Brazilian before your reunion. I could do it now.
Me: What the hell do you think I'll be doing at my reunion that requires a Brazilian?!


Clerk at target: I like your nipple. 
Me: *???* (She may have said I like your necklace, but she had an accent and I still can't figure out how nipple could sound like necklace. Also, my nipples weren't showing. That time.)


Nurse after childbirth while looking at my hoo ha as the doctor stitched me up: *making a frowny face* You're really swollen.
Me: *Ya think?* #awkward


Car salesman: Where did you go to high school?
Me: The 'local now known as wealthy part of town high school.'  
Car salesman: That explains the bleach blonde hair.
Me: Um, okay?? *WTF?? Guess who's not buying a car from you?*


Young European guys at a resort in the Bahamas: Do you want to go to the disco?

This was directed at Raquel and I while vacationing there years ago. I'm pretty sure the A Night at the Roxbury characters were based on them. 

We did not go to the disco. But we did go on the booze cruise.