Rage Against the Man-chine

This post brought to you by estrogen dominance:

It seems likes I'm super cranky these days. I don't know if it's because I'm staring down menopause or just because I'm grumpy. I feel like a cranky old man all the time who wants to yell "you kids get off my lawn!" But there aren't any kids on my lawn, so that would be weird.

What has been really annoying lately has been all the politics. The Presidential election is around the corner, among other elections, and everyone is driving me nuts! The political ads, the Facebook posts, the news stories obviously leaning one way or the other. I can't take it. I would ignore it if that were possible; it's everywhere. I want to escape to a private island, which I'm sure a lot of you do too.

Of course I think it's important for everyone to vote regardless of their political affiliations. Your choices may differ from mine and that's fine. I don't think any one politician can fit the bill to meet everyone's needs so I assume everyone votes on what issues are important to them at that time and which candidates supports the issues that matter most to them.

What I cannot stand is when people vote for or against a candidate for reasons such as what religion he/she is or isn't or what his/her race is or isn't or what sex he/she is or isn't. All politicians are a slick bunch and there is no perfect choice or 100% right or wrong answer. It usually comes down to the lesser of two evils.

But this election season seems to be fraught with more sleazy assholes than usual. There have been way too many sound bites with politicians saying flat out horrible things. For instance the Missouri Senator who said,  “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."  Um, not sure that's how it works, buddy. And super recently another politician said, "I believe that life begins at conception. The only exception I have to have an abortion is in that case of the life of the mother. I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize that life is a gift from God and I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.”  

Really? So when grown-ass men rape, sodomize and impregnate their 10 year old daughters, nieces, or mentally challenged relatives, it is part of God's plan and it was meant to be? And those victims should bear those children and either keep them or give them up for adoption no matter what? Even if the rapist can then come back in a few years and claim parental rights and get visitation and even partial custody? That would be awesome!

And women should have babies no matter if they have the means or finances to properly care for and feed these children? But, you don't want them to utilize government services like welfare or food stamps. That makes perfect sense! Yes, adoption is the other obvious choice-- as if there aren't already thousands of children abandoned and abused and in adoption centers and orphanages and there are no hungry children in America. 

But wait, there's more- the same politicians screaming for an end to abortion are also the same men criticizing single moms, saying that a child should be raised by a mother and a father who are married. But, if you're married and want to plan your family responsibly, don't even think about going to Planned Parenthood or getting affordable birth control options through your insurance. No way, no sir, no how.

Maybe you agree with that and maybe you don't. Everything is open for interpretation, I suppose. Of course these douchebags always try to back pedal and say that's not what they meant after public outrage for their callus and nasty remarks. Well, what do you mean? If you can't say what you mean maybe you shouldn't be running for office. If you have diarrhea of the mouth perhaps you should stick a maxi-pad in there to stop the flow.

What's important to remember is that our country was not technically founded on following certain religious beliefs, it was founded on freedom of religion. And everyone doesn't have the same religion or systems of beliefs. So if your religious beliefs frown on abortion or same sex marriage or other things the general population participates in, then don't do it yourself. Freedom of religion does not mean you can impose your religious belief system upon me. 

I don't remember things being this bad in politics over the last several years. Maybe I'm listening more now as I get older, but it seems like more and more of these politicians are trying to dictate things that directly impact women: The right to choose an abortion. Making it more difficult for a woman to claim rape. Downplaying the trauma of rape and sexual assault. Opposing bills for equal pay for women in same position as men. Planned Parenthood. Lesbian rights.

And really- Planned Parenthood? Come on. Fine, yes, they perform abortions, but they also provide much needed affordable medical care for women like mammograms, pap smears and birth control options. These politicians don't want women getting abortions, but they also don't want them having access to preventative care or birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Inconceivable. Or in this case, they want everyone to be conceivable, pregnant- like. 

It's time for women to wake up, smell the vagisil and take action! Stop allowing these ass clowns to be put into political office. Yes, there are many, many, many, issues and factors in politics; it's not all about women's rights and issues, I know. But the deficit will never be paid off, so being more concerned with that than having control over your very own vagina is asinine.

Soon we'll be back to the days of women being barefoot and pregnant, stuck in the kitchen, not allowed to vote and considered property of men. And if that's the case, I'm fucked because I don't know how to make a Sloe Gin Fizz. I'm pretty sure the women-folk are required to have one ready to hand the man of the house promptly at the 5pm cocktail hour. Wiener will have to settle for vodka straight up, unless I drink it all first. 

A perfectly depicted politician with top hat and asshole.