Monday, April 15, 2013

More Devil Baby Serial Killer

It's been a while since I've shared any children fodder so I thought I'd update you on a few of Devil Baby's recent antics.

Devil Baby's handy work.
One night, she had a group of four small Disney characters in the bathtub with her. Mickey, Minnie, Goofy and Pete. I'm sitting in there with her, minding my own business, when I look over and she has them all submerged in a tupperware dish full of water and bubbles trapped under something heavy to hold them down. As I watched her "play" she was talking to them and I swear to God she growled "you'll never get out again, mwahahaha." Poor Mickey and the gang. 

When picking Devil Baby up from school one afternoon the teacher told me an interesting story. She said a boy in her class slept past the end of nap time and the teacher gently tried to coax him awake with no luck. Devil Baby then said to the teacher "he's dead." I of course, found this hilarious though somewhat disturbing, but I had to keep my composure in class as she tells me she then had to explain to Devil Baby "no honey, he's not dead, just super tired." Oops.

You better sleep with one eye open, Timmy...
One afternoon while helping me put away dishes, and by helping me, I mean helping her sister because ain't no-one got time for dishes, Devil Baby grabbed some tongs and walked up to me and said "I'm going to cut your brains out."

Which brings me to one night while putting her to bed and snugging while singing goodnight songs like you are my sunshine and itsy bitsy spider, Devil Baby leaned over and said "I'm going to eat your brains." Too much Walking Dead perhaps?

Shut your wine hole mom,
I'm fucking cleaning! 

And finally, this is less about Devil Baby becoming a serial killer and more of a cautionary tale about using profanities around your kids so often they begin to think swear words are every day adjectives. I caught Devil Baby in the bathroom with a bottle of windex and paper towels. I asked her what she was doing and she said as clear as day "I'm fucking cleaning." Excellent. Apparently, as everyone messes things up around the house after I have cleaned, I have the tendency to yell "What are you doing?! I just fucking cleaned that!" Or "Stop throwing water all over the bathroom Wiener, I was in here all day fucking cleaning." Well, as long as they're helping I guess I don't care what they fucking call it! 

1 comment:

  1. Haha! I fucking loved that!! hehe... sounds like never a dull moment with her. You're my kind of Mommy. Great post.