Friday, September 21, 2012

Save the Toilet Paper

Fucking Devil Baby threw three rolls of toilet paper in the toilet. I guess technically that is where toilet paper goes. And it's probably my fault. We were tidying up and I asked her to put them in the toilet area of the bathroom. And, since she's smart, she knows toilet paper goes in the toilet. And, since she's also stupid  a toddler, this was her best effort at putting the rolls where they belong.

Instinctively, I began pulling them out of the toilet trying to "save" them thinking I didn't want to waste three whole rolls. Toilet paper is a currency worth more than its weight gold around this house, especially with three girls and Wiener's fondness for deuce dropping. If I had my wits about me, I would have snapped a picture to share before snatching them out.

Not a spanking clean toilet. I would not eat an egg out of this.
To clarify, (Lola), that is an empty toilet paper roll she also threw in. 

Dry-out area.

It is not lost on me that the idea of pulling them out of the toilet with the intention to let them dry out and use them is pretty gross. Even if the toilet is spanking clean, it can still be pretty germarific. 

This issue has been troubling philosophers for eons: If a toilet is sparkling clean and has been Cloroxed to death (not my particular toilet, just a toilet in general, cause that never happens around here) and scrubbed with antibacterial cleaner, is it still germ infested? Won't the germs already on my butt repel the incoming tainted toilet paper germs or does festering all alone on a clean toilet for days make them super-germs and they will spring ninja-like from the dried paper and infiltrate my buttocks with unfathomable strength and make me violently ill? Confucius knows not. 

This situation reminds me of how Raquel must cover her beverage if anyone farts in her vicinity so the poop particles from the smell do not get in her drink and she swallows them. True story. There is more reasoning behind why, but I don't want to steal her thunder. Or did I already? Too late.

But back to the germ debate. Many things were taken into consideration when deciding if I should attempt the dry-out process and risk the stealthy super-germs or cut my losses and toss them. Then I remembered I once pulled a peeled hard boiled egg from the depths of the garbage disposer, rinsed it off and ate it without dying, so wiping my ass with toilet paper that is infested with the same butt germs can't be worse than that. Right?

What? I was pregnant and really looking forward to that egg. It was delicious.

1 comment:

  1. People do stupid things, especially when it comes to hygiene. It always surprises me the things that people will flush that will cause the need for unnecessary toilet repair. How hard is it to put trash in the trash.